Fully grown out Airplant beard

Now I’ve seen them on GardenTags – I believe it’s becoming quite a Thing – men wearing air plants in their beards. I kid you not, just a quick jaunt out into the hipster enclave of East London will tell all – it would seem every other bushy beard in Bethnal Green is playing host to a new organism. Perhaps this is the last beard embellishment before the hipster facial hair dies out?

“The pale green grey natural colour of air plants compliments every kind of beard”

The very best plants for this hot trend are air plants or tillandsias. They will survive by being glued to rustic branches (check out your nearest garden centre in the house plant section) and now they are been seen all around town woven into beards. The pale green grey natural colour of air plants compliments every kind of beard, but probably looks best against a bushy black or ginger beard.

“The natural humidity of the bathroom is the perfect environment for airplants to flourish”

Take care when weaving air plants into your beard the roots are delicate but once they take hold they should stand firm. For aftercare, lie on your back in bed at night so you do not crush them, and when in the bath, wrap your beard and airplants gently in a plastic bag so they don’t get too wet. The natural humidity of the bathroom is the perfect environment for airplants to flourish – the ideal excuse to hog the shower! Pat your beard dry gently so you do not dislodge the plants.

Bearded man with tillandsias

My favourite airplant for pogonotomy (look it up) decoration would be Tillandsia tectorum or T. baileyi for an extra curly look. If your attempts at growing luxuriant facial hair have been unsatisfactory and weedy, bush out your beard with Spanish moss, Tillandsia usneoides. With regular spray misting to keep your beard damp you will soon look like a member of ZZ Top – just don’t trip over it.

Man with groomed airplant beard

For girls and non-beardies, you may glue your tillandsias to your favourite hat, whether beanie, pork pie or fedora. The flat cap enthusiasts may consider the more robust forms of succulents as hat decoration, but these have been found to be somewhat brittle, and not able to withstand the rigours of any moshpit shenanigans.

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